How to deal with childhood fears. The advice of a psychologist

Everyone is afraid of something and it does not depend on age. Fear is quite natural and predictable reaction to stimulus that our subconscious mind sees as a threat. But if we overcome our fears we can then kiddies, it's still pretty difficult. They often do not understand what is happening to them. Just feel extremely uncomfortable. You can't win all the fears of childhood, because a lot of them in any child. But your task is to learn how to adequately treat them, to examine and try themselves not to become the cause of fear.

The concept of children's fear

Children's fear is an anxiety or concern in a child up to 16 years. Each age carries its fears which may otherwise affect the psyche. If possible children's fears to win, it will help to grow bold personality, confident and proactive. If you do not pay attention to fear, then the child will not know what parental protection to the fullest and will be homego to fear in the future. Especially need to be followed up a strong and lasting fears.

Where are the children's fears

Anxiety, fear and phobia – three stage, not only children but also adult fear. One can quickly appear and disappear, others for a long time (sometimes forever) leave a clear imprint in the memory. Event never repeats itself, but the fear remains.

A newborn baby doesn't yet understand cause and effect, that is, not capable of logical reasoning. So he completely perceives the world as his parents. The conclusion is that parents may all your fears transfer to the child's psyche through the blueprint. A look of alarm and intonation – strands, which reflect the fear of an immature mind. Therefore, the most important is the reaction of parents to any stimulus. Remember that child no matter what happened. He will look at mom and will decide whether to cry or not. If she was scared, then expect the child's reaction. In addition, the reasons for fears enough.

Something frightened. Case – the main cause of children's fears. It could be a loud scream, scary movie, getting stuck in the Elevator, the trauma a child or family member, parental concerns, a wasp sting or dog the funeral. If the child's parents – the people with the psyche, peaceful, calm, positive and confident, it is likely that fear will be short-lived. If a newborn was a quarrel of parents and other traumatic situations, he acquires self-doubt. This means that fear because the particular case can firmly gain a foothold in the memory. These children are beginning to beware of dogs, insects, and will often respond to any situation crying.

Often the culprit of child's fear becomes too active imagination. Sometimes a certain situation, and the baby immediately draws in your mind the details. As an example, the shadows of the night. A crumpled blanket forms a shadow on the wall and the child in the imagination think up, that it is a wolf or a monster. If he loves cartoons and already has an idea about aliens, then he may be afraid of the moon, which shines in the window. His imagination will begin to think of aliens that are watching him. This can be attributed to fear of Koschei, Baba Yaga, and even the Sink. It is therefore important to protect the child from the TV and to filter his cartoons.

Disorders in the family. To quarrel with a spouse is normal. But remember that you need to do it right – in a constructive and low tones. If every fight goes into a scandal with the use of strong words, slamming of doors and the smashing of crockery – it is not surprising that the child will be fearful, anxious and Moody.

Disorders in the social life. Arguments with teachers, peers, and other people can cause social anxiety. The child begins to fear groups and feel awkward. These children's fears to win easy, if they are noticed early. However, it is likely that you will know about it only after a few years. Also, the child can acquire fears after visiting the children's camp where children tell each other scary stories at night.

Neurosis. Sometimes the cause of fear is a psychological deviation, which is called neurosis. It is produced gradually and only in case if the fears are muffled, amplified and not worked out.

The reasons for children's fears intensify

Already existing fear may intensify when exposed to some adverse factors.

1. Relatives are constantly afraid of something.

Small tip: work through your fears, open the world to a child from a positive perspective, focusing on the good.

2. The relatives remind the child about the fear, or laugh with him.

A word of advice: accept the fear as your child and not blame the child in him – he has a right to be afraid.

3. The frightening factor is always present.

A word of advice: find out what the cause of children's fears and soon eliminate it.

4. Parents are too overbearing in relation to the child.

A small tip: you have to love and respect, not fear. Try to build a friendly relationship, mentally standing on one level with the child.

5. Any emotion is punished – the child is forbidden to stamp her foot, to beat a pillow, cry, scream (summary — rooted fear and suppressed).

A little tip: let the child expresses emotions as he wants. It is impossible to criticize. Let it drown her, and then calmly say why.

6. With a small kid talking heart to heart.

A word of advice: whatever you were busy, take an hour a day to talk with your child about the day.

7. One child in the family or he has no friends.

Small tip: think about the reasons for his withdrawal, become a good friend to him and he'll find his comrades.

8. Child parents do not understand and believe that he is guilty in his fear.

A word of advice: don't assume that your baby isn't listening to you. Understand it first yourself.

9. Mom is exhausting at home and at work.

A word of advice: children need fun and a good mother, not a workhorse. Change the work or delegate some responsibilities to others.

10. Child too much love and cherish him.

A little tip: does not protect the child from the outside world should treat it adequately – not extolling above all not belittling.

11. The child has no father.

A child's fears arise from the improper behavior of parents, their anxiety, hyperopic or lack of warmth and love. No matter what happens, you should stand up for your child – protect him from attacks neighbor with another door or criticism of the caregiver with you. Sometimes it is enough to say, "I'll talk to him", come home and calmly discuss why he acted like that. Listen to and give advice to the kid. This is the best way to become to him not only parents, but also a loyal friend.

Types of children's fears



Psychologists klassificeret children's fears in four types.

Fears at night. This includes nightmares. During sleep the child has involuntary movements – he talks, sometimes screams, crumples a blanket and a sheet. There may be involuntary urination and symptoms of sleepwalking. When having a nightmare, the baby either wakes up and runs to her parents in bed or goes to sleep and the next morning could not remember anything.

Unreasonable fears. One of the most common types of children's fears. The child is afraid of the dark, he was afraid to be alone, he is terrified of cartoon characters or fairy tales and think out what is not. It does not try to convince your child that his fear is not groundless – it will still stand on his own.

Obsessive fears. This can be attributed to the fear of open and closed spaces, airplane flight, fear of motion sickness in transport and so on.

Unexplained (crazy) fears. The child begins to fear that absolutely no one is afraid of: her doll, telephone, Slippers. To get rid of children's fears of this type are easy if you understand the cause. For example, he dreamed that he was chasing his Slippers, or talking doll.




A manifestation of childhood fears in life



How do you know that the child is afraid of? It can specify lots of different signs. Newborn baby shows his fear the only way he poured into mourning. The older children are already more than able to display your child's fear.

1. He does not let go of you and walks literally on the heels.
2. He's hiding, covered in a blanket with his head or closes face with hands.
3. He's aggressive or crying.
4. He's cranky.
5. He paints only black pencils, featuring monsters, skulls (subconsciously trying to work through the fear with a drawing).
6. If you ask him to draw your fear, he draws, and then is afraid of the picture.
7. He has a compulsive habit of chewing his nails, sucks his thumb, pulls a blouse or a button, not knowing what to do with his hands, treading water, trying to wash hands constantly. In this case study it is better to go to a psychologist.

How to identify fear? It is best to talk with your child about what he's afraid to ask them to draw or write a story with you as the main character. If he starts to tell a scary story, it is better to give to get fancy in another direction – ask the child to complete it positively and come up with a good ending, where the child comes out the winner.

Fears for all ages

To overcome children's fears provided that you understand what they are called and how to handle them. Each age – time of those or other fears. Let's see what scares our children at a certain age.

1-3 years

What are. Learning basic life skills, and most importantly – be yourself. Able to distinguish boys from girls, the adult from the child and its from a stranger. I understand that there is a close circle, and there is a society. During this period, the family child becoming a reliable fortress (if there are no conflicts). If the family is psychologically healthy, the baby gradually forget the stress of birth.

What are you afraid of: the same as mom. You are upset – the child is upset. Again you've cheered up, the child brightened. Child from 2 to 3 years, may experience fear at the appearance of a second child. Also, there is the jealousy, if parents pay attention to yourself or others. The child may be afraid of my mom leaving or falling asleep, of strangers, of loud or abrupt sounds. When the baby takes its first steps, he may be afraid to fall. But it is rather a projection of their fears of parents for the child.

How to protect from fear. Do not swear at the child, thinking that he understands nothing. Pipsqueak instantly feel a tense atmosphere and reacts with crying on behavior change of parents. If the mother is breastfeeding, she really should be less fearful and nervous, as fears are passed through breast milk. In any case, avoid conflicts with their families about breastfeeding. A healthy atmosphere in the family allows the child to strengthen her position and gain confidence.

If you are born brother or sister, win children's fears by enabling the baby in the care of the younger. At this age it is better not to give the baby to the nursery. Remember, the longer you are with the baby – the better. Try as quickly as possible to teach him to be independent and not to care too much. Stay calm, not to pass fears on to the child.

Choose carefully a bedtime story – not to read about Baba Yaga. Let us be more kind Suteev fairy tales or Attics. Give maximum protection for the baby. To do this, provide him with love before going to sleep, Pat, sing a song, calm down.

3-5 years

What are. Kid vengeance is feelings and emotions. His emotional sphere is much expanded, and therefore, there is a lot of children's fears. He tries to make contact with parents and other children, which declares to their friends. While friendships can last 1 day. The child learns to understand the society, to live in it. He understands that already exists on the only "I"but "we". He becomes more independent, also began to develop imagination. Your baby might try on the images of heroes of fairy tales or profession.

With 3 to 5 years you can observe not only the activity but also the irritability, resentment, the constant mood swings. The baby laughs and then starts to cry, if not for him. May require that you are with him constantly.

What are you afraid. That it will fall out of love. Love stronger than a parent of the opposite sex and are afraid not to please him first. Again, there is acute fear of being alone, so you need to communicate more with the child. Also afraid of punishment, indoors.

How to protect from fear. So now that baby learns to love, it is important to show a good example. Try to openly show affection to your second half and also child. Kiss, hug, termolite – all this is now very important. Try never to say "you're badly behaved, I don't love you" — the child may remember forever, and then there will be children's fear of losing parents ' love.

5-7 years

What are. At this age children start to divide people into good and bad. Good – those who are smiling and kind to the child. The bad – those who are angry and injections. May appear anxiety, suspiciousness, sensitivity.

What are you afraid. At this age the child begins to fear that he would die or his parent. If the child often have nightmares, then there is fear of falling asleep. Hence the hysteria at night. Also, the baby starting to be afraid of doctors, bites, heights, fire. Can increase fears of the dark, enclosed space and punish the parents. The child begins to fear the beyond. And this was more pronounced among insecure children, who were brought up in authoritarian families. Children begin to think about the future and to fear him. Child boy important example of a strong and brave father, because now formed the first masculine qualities.

At this age fears form a physical impact on the child, punishment, screaming. The girl may be afraid of loud father, and the boy authoritarian mother. There is a fear of separation, attack, war, scandals, delays, expectations, death of Pets.

How to protect from fear. To overcome children's fears, try to convince your child safe, to show him that the world is not terrible. Do not scold the child if he starts to say bad words. Safely say that this is unacceptable and try not to bring them undue attention. Now it is important as little as possible to injure the psyche of threats or angry exclamations. If the child itself is neurotic, or hypersensitive, try to reduce the painful situations to a minimum: let's pills instead of injections, read good stories, and so on.

7-11 years

What are. The child no longer behaves as an egoist. He begins to understand that society must be able to communicate with other teachers and peers. Begins to develop a sense of duty, obligation, responsibility, discipline.

What are you afraid. The child continues to experience fear of death. Only already more worried about the parents. Begins to fear the attacks of strangers, bad grades, fires, robberies, Children's fears are mostly specific. However all these fears are not strong because the school redirects attention from self to others. But can develop a sense of guilt, if the child is behaving "wrong" or he does not like everything.

How to protect from fear. Now you need to get the confidence of your child to overcome his childhood fears of inconsistency to others. Buy him the clothes he requested, try more to listen to it. Do not make friends with those with whom he does not want. Let them know that at home he was always loved and welcome, even if he can't learn and teachers can get a bad mark. Help him make his own decisions, thank for the help and praise for responsibility, even if it manifests itself infrequently.

11-16

What are. This age is the most difficult time. The child establishes his principles, he changed the world. He begins to think sensibly. Sometimes these changes are so lightning fast that parents feel like the situation is out of control. The child begins to learn to be themselves in interpersonal relationships. From his self-esteem depends on everything.

What are you afraid. Teenagers are most afraid of misunderstanding. Children's fear appears twofold: on the one hand the child wants to join in the General mass and to disguise, on the other he's trying not to lose their individuality. At this age it is very difficult to overcome children's fear of changing their appearance. Girls have more fears than boys. At 12 years of age children are very emotionally sensitive and you can easily hurt your own words. The peak of anxiety is 15 years. Further, the fears decrease. They can be reborn in phobias and obsessive-compulsive disorder. Child in addition to other fears, afraid of the shame and censure.

How to protect from fear. You should raise the self-esteem of a teenager, to praise him for his good deeds. In girls need to instill the concept of beauty. No matter what, tell your daughter that she is very beautiful. And son inspire that trust him with decisions in his life. The more conflict in a teenager's life – the more he fears. Try to be more loyal to the aggression and irritability of the child. Now it is important to understand that the teenager is a reflection of you. So, first and foremost, start working on yourself.

Fears of students

School fears can be attributed to a separate category of children's fears. For the first time, they may appear at a first grader when the child is still difficult to be separated from their parents. If the parent himself was afraid of the school, speaks of it negatively and is afraid of bad marks of the child, he gets him to his fear. Homework instead of children leads to the fact that they can't be responsible for their actions, beginning to be afraid to make a mistake and rely on the fact that the parents solve their problem.

Easier to cope with the fear of children, who from childhood accustomed to remain some time without parents. Besides, school difficulties easier to overcome kindergartners. In school, the child tries to adapt to teachers, classmates. He is trying to match the established requirements.

In school you as parents it is important not to be looped on the assessments. To overcome children's fears of school, try to discuss them with your child, be aware of his Affairs and no job too many responsibilities. Encourage your child to not only do homework, but also to devote time to her Hobbies and socializing with peers.

How not to become a cause of children's fears

Much easier to deal with a variety of childhood fears, if you do have a solid position. The following tips will help you not to provoke the child's fears and give him confidence.

1. Provide comfort and harmony in the house. Do not yell at children and household with him. Solve conflicts peacefully.
5. Stop being restrained against the child and openly show love, without being deprived of the little autonomy.

3. Organize leisure of the child. Fill his day with good impressions. Provide your baby with coloring books, crayons, plasticine. He is doing more.

4. Accept the child such what he is and not demand that he behaved like a man/hero/good girl/good girl.

5. Do not force the child communicating with children, if they do not like him.

6. Don't laugh with the child, if he is afraid. Take fears seriously and do not underestimate their value.

7. Keep your emotions under control.

8. Try less to deny.

How to deal with children's fears?

Conversations. Communicate more with the baby, ask questions. If your baby doesn't want to answer, try to approach from the other side. Try to keep the baby as often as possible was revealed before you and spoke about your fear. Then this fear will decrease.

Drawings. Ask the child to draw what he's afraid of. Next to get rid of this childhood fear, and tear up the drawing together or burn. Ensure that the child is no longer afraid (this is expressed in his smile). If the fear has not diminished, draw again and again, add color and fine details. It is possible to a terrible monster to attach bows or other fun items. When fear becomes ridiculous, he can't have a negative impact.

Essay.

Scenes. How to deal with children's fears effectively? You can (as in the previous tip) to beat up a story. Try to play with the change of roles. When scarce he will play your fear, he will cease to fear him.

Bathing for little. To overcome children's fear of the newborn, try to bathe in the herbs. Water well washes away a bad mood in young children. Also the best cure would be to offer the breast and a distraction toy.

Fear of the dark. If the child is afraid of the dark, it is not necessary to act on the opposite and force him to watch the fear in their eyes. So you are only going to hurt him. Speak fear, leave a night light or dim light, put it next toy and kiss before bed.

Fear of bad grades. Tell the child that despite the bad grades, you still love them. To overcome a child's fear, just enough parental love.

Playing with the sand. The shuffling of the sand is very soothing, so invite the baby to draw in the sand. This exercise will strengthen the nervous system and allow the baby to get rid of children's fear.

Music therapy. It is known that classical melodies harmonize and relax. Incorporate them at home as often as possible, then gradually as the crumbs will get straightened out. If you don't like classics, then deal with a child's terror with the help of nature sounds and ethnic instruments.

Modeling. Helps get rid of fears of children's modeling clay. This method is good if your child loves drawing. Let the tiny blind your fear, and then his roll us into a ball.

Sport and dance. You can deal with any childhood fears with motion. Give the baby to a dance or martial arts. Diversity and the new staff will help to dispel all fears.

Noisy games.

Friends. Never limit the child's communication with peers. How to deal with children's fears, if not this way? Feeling in their environment, little easier to overcome all the hardships of life.

Try to pay attention not only to deal with the fears, but also their prevention. Never intimidate the child by the doctors and the police. Read him good stories and let us be ourselves. Then to overcome the fear of any child is not difficult.

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